In my last blog I shared the best pre-marital advice ever, ‘zip-it!’. Now I would like to share some thoughts on what might at first glance appear to be a contradiction. Keep the lines of communication open. Why does ‘zip-it’ not contradict open communication? If you clog the lines of communication with every little thing it will be easy for your significant other to miss the important issues. We call this ‘choosing your battles’ and you might as well learn this lesson now, you’re going to need it if ever you have children!
So, how do I choose when to let something go and when to speak up? Furthermore, how do I say what I need to say in a way that gets my point across without causing WW3? Let’s take a look at the first question and we will leave the other for another day.
Questions to ask yourself when deciding if this is an issue worth talking about:
- In the greater scheme of things, does this really matter?
- Is it something that years from now you will feel emotionally or physically sorry you never cleared this up?
- Does it not have any real long term consequences?
If the answer to these questions is ‘no’, you might like to let it go.
- Is it something that you have pushed aside many a time, yet in the heat of the battle it comes up?
- Is it something that try as you might, it makes you feel bad, plain and simple?
If the answer is yes, then it might be something that needs to be discussed.
We will think about the best way to say what it is you need to say, in my next blog. For now let me close with this little tidbit, timing is everything. Not only do you need to choose your battles but also the right time and place. Never in public, and not when either of you is tired and or hungry.